My Feet Won’t Touch the Ground

Occasionally I am transported. Somewhere where people actually mean what they say and have no games to play. It’s like being in a Coldplay song, like Life in Technicolor, where you can’t decide if the song is more pure as an instrumental — where everyone has a smile in their eyes and is pulling in the same direction — or if it really takes another album and another shot at the song as a full-blown vocal track. I think that the best songs will stand alone either way. So thank you, Very Expensive Dish, for breaking my anti-Coldplay stance on the undeniable rocks of “wow, this is really good”.

You know, folks, I am aware that people think what they think of me. I am okay with that, because you still seek me out for my opinion. It must matter. I find that stunning, and then a real honor. But baby, it’s a violent world. Everything counts in large amounts. Telling the truth is never easy, but it is the most universally recognized sign of sincerity. I have been reticent to blog on my own blog because of an old racket of mine: I think too much about what the audience — whatever or whoever that may be — will think of what I have to say. It defeats the purpose of the technology.

Publishing in an instant for all history to record is a serious responsibility. Please contribute something to the blogosphere that is worth recording. Remember all the people who died to bring you this freedom, this technology, this lifestyle, this freedom, this ability to type letter after letter, purse your lips, read it again slightly aloud, and then press the Publish button.

Say something that matters. Speak from your heart. Scribe it in electronic papyrus; chisel it in the ones and zeroes of the Intarwebs. Send it out there beyond your control, but remember that you birthed it. Create content, or else you will have a hollow life manipulating other people’s creations for a living. Be a catalyst.

I know from my experience that when the bat hits the meat of the ball, and I can feel that thrum through my muscles, and I life my gaze to the far wall of the park, a smile dawns on my face: this is good. And then my feet don’t touch the ground for a while. You taught me that feeling long ago; you remind me of it tonight. And I thank you for it.

Can Anyone Hear Me?

http://www.ustream.tv/channel/Mordenkainen-s-Parlour

Bookmark it. This is my true blog.

I (heart) Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle

So I happen to be re-reading Larry Niven / Jerry Pournelle “Footfall”, and I am struck by this passage:

“…as far as I know, though, Michael is the only quick and dirty way we have to get a battleship into space.”

“Michael?” The President asked.

“Sorry, sir. We’ve already given it a code name. The Archangel Michael cast Satan out of Heaven.”

“Appropriate enough name. However, our immediate problem is to get them out of Kansas…”

ART OF SCRUM: Dining Room? Hells no; it’s a WAR ROOM!

At GreenHouse, where I am the Chief Technology Officer, I am in charge of bringing bleeding edge, revolutionary, creative and inexpensive business optimization tools to bear for all strata of the company in order to make my teammates and executives have productive and fun days doing what we are doing. Which, by the way, is changing the world for the better. Nothing, not even the iPhone, comes close to the wonders we have achieved with a $14 4′ x 8′ piece of tileboard and a $20 Expo Dry Erase System. That’s right, people: I am talking whiteboards. Again.

Stick the clutch and change gears with me for a minute. As many of you know, I had a previous life teaching; college, high school, tutoring, Boy Scouts, by example… Due to the necessity of the ever-evolving requirements at our company, and the need to foster teamwork and agile communication, I have been teaching GreenHouse Scrum. Honesty, embracing change, active collaboration, knowing you have a team with you, daily standups, squeaky toys — all of the soundbyte stuff that sticks well in the mind. Meanwhile, a routine is being built; expectations are being set; issues bubble up to the surface instead of being swept under the rug or left for someone else to discover; you stop working in a vaccuum and one person can communicate what the rest of your Team is doing while you’re the only one of them going out to lunch with the business owners.

This started way back in history…when I moved in with Kleptus and brought a whiteboard, which I would occasionally would draw on to make a point about Delicious Cake. Or he would draw the islands of Hawaii and point out the Na Pali coastline. When we started working together at GreenHouse — in the office affectionately named “The Armpit” — I got two of the aforementioned sheets of tileboard, hijacked some underused dry erase markers, and a roll of paper towels for an eraser and we got busy:

• Lists of Things to Do
• Important Phone Numbers
• John Galt is Talking to Me and My Head Will Explode if I Do Not Write This Down
• Nature Is Pissed (a sticker at the top of one of the tileboards)
• My Brain Hurts (a sticker on the other whiteboard)
• Flowcharts
• Tension Maps
• Charts, Graphs, and Other Wildly Inaccurate Sketches
• Treasure Maps
• “-ISMS” (quotes heard ’round the office that stopped productivity for a minute or two due to uncontrollable laughter and repetition of the phrase)
• Grand Schemes, Miscellaneous Plots, and Unattainable Goals
• Etcetera

Here is the simple truth about whiteboards: If it is writ large upon the wall, it is semi-public information. Which makes you much more aware of whatever it is. Especially if it is your responsibility to get it done. Fact. Try it. Post your to-do list on a little whiteboard — or even a clipboard (easily scavenged office supply) on your office door or cubicle wall in plain sight, and see how uncomfortable you are with that often-trumpeted and rarely attained goal of transparency.

That is why, when Kleptus and I moved into what we dubbed “the War Room” from “the Armpit Office”, we made the most of it: we plastered tileboard EVERYWHERE. Add a conference room table, a bunch of chairs, and a leather couch, and we had a command center for GreenHouse Energy and Builders to operate in.

Then, we introduced Scrum.

Scrum is not — as it might sound — a new strain of Swine Flu; rather, it is an agile project management methodology. In my experience, Scrum is best applied with liberal whiteboards. My teams — which, by the bye, are kicking ass — have all their progress project-by-project slapped on the wall of the War Room every day. These notes are then photographed and inserted jumbo-size into the Google Doc of notes from the Daily Scrums. Business Owners can peer into these notes whenever they desire; they can’t, however, come interrupt a Daily Standup Meeting (though they do). Battle Plans are drawn. Logistical Nightmares. BHAGs. The best is when we as a Team can point at a couple square feet of wall and say “those were the stack-ranked priorities, and we got them all done”.

For my Scrum-certified sisters and brothers out there, who are undoubtedly gouging their eyes out with the edges of their Story-and-Task sticky notes, their velocity and burndown charts, and their accurate-information-filled Scrum boards, I say you this: results are the fruit of Scrum, and measurable, incremental, agile steps forward from the Sprint the week before are the hallmark of change management, not a wholesale paradigm shift. No organization has embraced Scrum as wholeheartedly as GreenHouse has, because the benefits are too numerous to mention — and too nebulous right now to say it is true Scrum traction. But daily communication, weekly due dates, and almost a month of proto-Scrum under our belt has produced phenomenal results, and I am very honored to be a member of the three Teams that I am a part of at my workplace. We get iiiissshhhht done.

So the point of this personal blog post — and from whence the title is derived — is the fact that I have a whole two bedroom, one bath house to myself, and I had this dream I had a formal dining room where I could have sit-down dinners and invite people over to enjoy themselves. You know, stemware, matching silverware, whorederves, etc. I just hung two framed whiteboards in my dining room. I think I will measure and install hidden screws behind them so I can take them down and quickly hang thrift store art in case I need to “be formal” in that room, but for now, my dining room is my personal War Room. Whiteboards galore. My laptop and a printer and broadband Internet. A conference (dining) table for six in case I need a bigger Team. What works at work is sometimes the best way to get things done at home. Personally.

BACKLOG OF THINGS TO DO:

1. Use your War Room
2. Feasibility Study and Stack Ranking
3. Sprint

My Blog is — apparently — my Whiteboard. Keeps me honest, agile, and communicating!

Music Should Be Loud

“it’s been a long time…I shouldn’t have left you / Without a strong rhyme to step to”

That is the opening lyric to Erik B and Rakim’s legendary and elemental “You Know You Got Soul“. It always humbles me to re-learn this fundamental fact of life every time I am alone and I turn up my stereo. Because my sound-producing systems are a power-sucking, overwhelming, disgustingly 70’s speaker-studded monstrosity that has not stretched its wicked claws in almost a year. With Kleptus and teh Office Qween (and the loveable brats) moving upstairs, the animal is waking from slumber. It misses it’s counterpart, a big stainless steel bear affectionately called Teh Kegerator. I might point out that using a Kegerator (especially if you have a Kvar system in place) is actually greener than recycling all those cans and bottles. Walk the walk, bitches.

So I am totally head-over-heels in love with Chicane featuring Natasha Bedingfield – Bruised Water. That link is specifically the Adam K Remix. It’s been a long time…since I have heard a track that every single version is stellar. Plus, it helps that Natasha Bedingfield is crazy fuckin’ hawt. I had to search for this, but check out the original video with the updated mix. But let’s not get twisted; the message and the mermaid from the original remix outing is drool-fuel, too.

“so let down my guard / drop my defenses / down by my clothes…I’m learning to fall / with no safety net / to cushion the blow”

That’s about where I am at, but moving steadily on radar. Stay tuned; especially to Mordenkainen’s Parlour.

Taking Writing for Granted

If you look at my Archives, you’ll see that I actually used to write for myself, by myself, for years and years. The idea of transferring this to an electronic medium since I sit in front of my MacBook Pro most of my waking hours should be a no-brainer, except for one small detail. I refuse to use it privately; it’s just my personality.

When I was let go by Achieve Internet last year, I realized that unemployment, in a sense, is like forced vacation, and even if you really wanted to get on with your next gig, you had a metric shit-ton of time that you spent thinking about the world we live in, and life in general, and inevitably, you wander into some really deep, frightening places. So when I had all that free time where you literally cannot spend towards finding a job, I decided to type into this WordPress blog several hundred poems that I had written over my formative years in high school and college. And then BURN the original journals in the first camping trip I had taken in years with a couple of friends led by Kleptus himself.

For those of you who stumble across this and are not familiar with WordPress, it makes blogging and publishing so easy even a caveman could do it. The hinge here is that there is security; you can blog all you want and never publish a thing to the general Intarwebz. I think that you owe it to the online community to share; hell, everyone else is doing it and some are even making money at it.

Part of the fascination I have with the World Wide Web — rockin’ it at 14,400 baud since my first AOL account in 1992 where they asked me for a “unique” screenname, and the online presence known internationally as Thee Froggacuda was born — is that no matter how you interact with it, you develop a personality. On AOL in the early days, this used to consist of hanging out and doing free-form text-based roleplaying at something like the legendary Red Dragon Inn, which I just discovered is alive and well (and still has my “Kiss the ‘Tender” apron hanging in its accustomed place behind the bar), unless you were going back to the early, early days, hanging out and doing free-form dice-based roleplaying in Galsteefus’s basement.

The point of this bit of writing is that I have been taking writing for granted because of some sort of personal paralysis due to having a real live audience. And my worst critic is myself. I think that this says a lot. “I actually used to write for myself, by myself, for years and years.” That was earlier in this blog post. The archives are right next to you on the right-hand side under Archives, go figure. Choose a link; check it out.

This is where the public / private thing comes in. Our lives are on camera and on the Internet right now; isn’t it our duty to try to be graceful footage and Facebook for future generations? There is this misconception that old web pages die natural deaths, but I still have all of the HTML code, graphics, databases, and other artifacts from many iterations of my own Virtual Lilypad site, and nothing is safe from The Wayback Machine. Content production on them Intarwebz is, I would suspect, at an all time high and still rising. What are we to do with all of this dreck that we make public?

Whether you keep it public or private, nearly anything you do is capable of being recorded or transcribed or captured. And then traced back to or otherwise attributed to you. Tagged, if you will. I read an article that 1 in 5 US Recruiters Google your ass when your resume comes across their desks. People upload their own videos to YouTube, their own photos to Flickr, and their own shopping interests to Amazon. This is all content that may or may not be of any passing interest to anyone but the people that are adding the content. Where is the value?

1. Creative aggregation of data
2. Remixes and mashups
3. Historical record

1. There is so much damn data out there at any given time being copied and created and beamed around the world, it is literally like a gigantic ocean. Data mining with all of that out there moving and morphing and trending and boiling has got to produce some fascinating art if it could be visually represented. When you dig into this matrix and start following threads, there would be intricate patterns and relationships and chaos theory butterflies, and I would probably just be hypnotized. With an uber dashboard to pan around and zoom, you could literally “zoom” all the way in with search algorithms to find specific pieces of content that are the catalysts for larger currents. Maybe one of those elements is one of these poems, songs, or stories that are contained in the Archives.

2. As most everyone knows, DJ Lurk loves hisself a good remix. He has even made some of his own. So I know how much of a labor of love most remixes are. There’s a relatively new piece of lingo the means essentially the same thing: mashup, which is a little more specific, at least in music, than remix. Most all of the created content on the Internet is public. Even if you think it is private, it isn’t as private as you think — somebody can see it and potentially mash it up with something else. Repurposing existing content in a new way is as much of an art form as making the content in the first place; in fact, many times a fresh take on an old standby is better than the original. Take Vince Shlomi — the Slap Chop is an amazing product, I know — but the Steve Porter Remix “Rap Chop” was so damn good I started following him on Twitter. I was going to spin the remix at the first chance I got but somebody beat me to it already. Speed of information flow is approaching speed of light.

3. History has always suffered because it was a privilege for the powerful and rich to be able to write the accounts. Publishing your own version — essentially documenting your own personality, life, and experiences — is, in and of itself, riches and power directly proportional to the amount of content you produce over that lifetime. You can’t take it with you, but you can sure make a conscious, good-faith effort to provide something for the seething, sentient mass of ones and zeroes to Borg. The value of anything that you do should be weighed first and foremost by whether you find value in it yourself. Then, and only second, think about the audience. The value of this blog is because I find it fascinating. If others do, too, well, icing is my favorite part of Delicious Cake.

I just realized — part of the reason writing electronically versus otherwise is less productive. I find that some of the most fun is using hyperlinks as footnotes. They’re even better because they are in-line, and you can click them if you want extra context or detail. However, they do a damn fine job of preventing me from getting my point across in a coherant manner sometimes. And potentially, other readers. Note to self. On WordPress, no less.

This was not the best content I have ever created, but I do feel like I cracked my knuckles and limbered up a bit before all of the writing that lays ahead of me, both personally and professionally. So, in the interest of reading more writing, well, an enigmatic word to the wise: GreenHouse.

Did You Just Say the F-Word?

I came home from a pretty good day at work slinging my IT plan for Green House Builders to a house without roommates or children, so I did what I do best: got intoxicated and slung some tracks. Usually I just pile a bunch of music into Traktor Pro and start mixing; this time I actually plucked a bunch of songs from the back catalogs from DJ Lurk and The Deceptikons because I wanted to make sure I included a couple of specific remixes. After deciding to start with the most excellent LMFAO cut, I couldn’t resist laying the epic South Park skit in there at the beginning. This mix is approved by Thee Froggacuda.

Opening sample is from South Park:

Kyle: I think I know the answer, Mr. Garrison

Cartman: [nonsense imitating Kyle]

Kyle: Shut up fat boy!

Cartman: Don’t call me fat, you fucking jew!

Mr. Garrison: Eric, did you just say the F-word?

Cartman: Jew?

Kyle: No, he’s talking about “fuck”. You can’t say fuck in school, you fucking fatass!

Cartman: Why the fuck not?

Mr. Garrison: Eric!

Stan: Dude, you just said “fuck” again!

Mr. Garrison: Stanley!

Kenny: fuck!

Mr. Garrison: Kenny!

Cartman: What’s the big deal? It doesn’t hurt anybody. fuck-fuckety-fuck-fuck-fuck.

Mr. Garrison: How would you like to go see the school counselor?

Cartman: How would you like to suck my balls?

Mr. Garrison: What did you say?

Cartman: I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Actually, what I said was… [megaphone feedback] HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MY BALLS, Mr Garrison?

Stan: Holy shit, dude.

NOTE: You can grab this mix from my iDisc here. The stream / download links below are not working just yet. If you dig the tracks, download the DJ LURK – Angels+Demons while you are out there, along with a couple of my other recent excursions.

right-click to download

TRACKLISTING:

1. LMFAO – Girl Cant Help It (Ultimix)
2. Eminem vs Jamiroquai – Without Main Vein (DJ Vartan B Mix)
3. Erik B and Rakim – I Know You Got Soul (Ultimix)
4. KMC Kru – Devil Came Up to Michigan (House Mix)
5. Justin Timberlake featuring Clipse – Like I Love You (Basement Jaxx Radio Edit)
6. Les Rhythmes Digitales – Jacques Your Body
7. Chicane featuring Tom Jones – Stoned in Love (The Young Punx Vocal Remix)
8. Madison Avenue – Who the Hell Are You? (Illicit Remix)
9. Pink – Who Knew (Bimbo Jones Club Mix)
10. Rockell – What U Did 2 Me (Ultimix)
11. Rihanna – Disturbia (Jody den Broeder Remix)
12. Nelly Furtado – Say it Right (Peter Rauhofer Remix)
13. Starkillers – Discoteka (Kobbe and Leeds Remix)
14. Andain vs Depeche Mode – Here is the House (DJ Lurk Radio Edit)
15. Chicane – Daylight
16. Hellogoodbye – Here (In Your Arms) (Ultimix)
17. Depeche Mode – Just Can’t Get Enough (Rubber Band Mix)
18. Pink – So What (Ultimix)
19. Katy Perry vs Goldfrapp – Kissed a La La (Full Tilt Mashup Track)
20. Depeche Mode – Personal Jesus (Televangelist Mix)
21. Puretone – Addicted To Bass (Ultimix)
22. Who da Funk featuring Jessica Eve – Shiny Disco Balls (DJ Chaos vs DJ Infiniti Mix)
23. Alice Deejay – Better Off Alone (Signum Remix)
24. Chicane featuring Natasha Bedingfield – Bruised Water
25. The Killers – Mr. Brightside (Jacque Lu Cont Remix)
26. Depeche Mode – A Pain That I’m Used To (Jacques Lu Cont’s Thin White Duke Mix)
27. Avril Lavigne – Sk8er Boi (Raphael Gomes Mix)
28. Paula Cole – Where Have All the Cowboys Gone (E Team Drugstore Cowboy Radio Edit)
29. Filter – Take a Picture (Hybrid Remix)
30. Andain – Beautiful Things (Gabriel And Dresden Unplugged Mix)
31. Fall Out Boy – Thnks Fr Th Mmrs (Ultimix)
32. Perasma – Swing 2 Harmony (Deserves An Effort Polyphony Vocal Mix)
33. Simply Red – Sunrise (Love II Infinity Classic Mix)
34. Daft Punk – Technologic (Hi-Tec mix)
35. Plump DJs – Kinky
36. Faith Evans featuring Crooklyn Clan – Love Like This (Highpass Vocal Mix)
37. P Diddy featuring Kelis – Let’s Get Ill (Deep Dish Vocal Mix)
38. Tatu – All the Things She Said (Extension 119 Vocal vs DJ Lurk RPM Mix)
39. Underworld – Born Slippy (Darren Price Mix)
40. Imogen Heap – Hide and Seek (Karl G Remix)
41. Prodigy – Voodoo People (Pendulum Remix)

Viral Bandwagon: 25 Random Things About Me

Here’s the backstory: currently on Facebook, it is all the rage to use your Notes application (read: blog) to write up 25 random facts about yourself, then “tag” 25 other people to make them have to do the same thing. Personally, I think that this was started by the Facebook people themselves as a way to introduce people / drive traffic to the Facebook blog functionality, and since my WP imports via RSS to FB, I figure I’d do it here so that people can get their fix and stop tagging me.

Original rules (as in, I didn’t write this schlock):

“Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)”

25 Random Things:

1. I am a better human beat box than Justin Timberlake
2. If you ask me what one word describes me best, I will always reply with “lucky”
3. I still suffer from ADHD just like I did when I was a child, but I am better at masking it; I do wish, however, that my metabolism had kept up with the rest of the handicap
4. I have always been in love with being in love, with music, with friendship, with my family, and with you
5. I have been known to embellish a story or two, but usually it is due to my tendency to describe my friends and acquaintances as movie-worthy comic book heroes, which is born from a deep respect for their individuality
6. I often wonder what would have happened if Monster Zero had accepted the gig to open up for No Doubt on their first West Coast Tour in the summer / fall of 1990
7. I would be happy if I could just listen to music, select cool tracks, and play them at loud volume to interesting people all of the time
8. For some reason, in some election I was not made aware of, I am the de facto communications hub for a bazillion people; you look up Murdoch if you want to randomly communicate with someone who you lost track of years ago, and somehow I have some sort of last known contact info
9. Possibly the greatest thing I have ever done is the eulogy I gave Chris Feher after he died doing what he loved: rock climbing Half Dome in Yosemite by himself
10. I hate children, especially babies, but apparently, they love Unkle Mike, and this fact never fails to humble me
11. Speaking of luck, I was lucky enough to be adopted at birth by the best parents in the world — Diane and Gordon — and what I can piece together about my biological parents is pretty crazy: Mom was from Massachusetts, married, and had three other children, aged 8, 9. and 11 when I was born; her husband was NOT my father; she was short, Swedish, and had blond curly hair; my dad was an Italian steelworker, son of an immigrant shoemaker who woke up one day to find a note from his wife that she was leaving him and half of the closet was gone; Mom’s husband had a nervous breakdown and was committed; this explains a lot of what is running around in my genetic pool — don’t blame the Murdochs
12. I am the best party liaison this side of Van Wilder
13. I have three home-produced album to my name under various alter-egos (see Pus & Zero Boy) and one professionally released 12″ single called “Everybody” that I did with Grant Goad and Andres Mijangos
14. I am still very proud of all the work I did to become an Eagle Scout
15. I wrote poetry every day for almost 15 years; most of it is available — tagged and searchable even — on my WordPress blog; my current favorites are “Cellardweller“, “I, Ape“, and, of course, “Froggacuda“
16. I often wish that everyone else could hear the soundtrack and audio effects track that accompanies my life
17. I am a pack rat, especially for things that provoke nostalgia; for example, I still have many of my childhood toys — Legos, Transformers, Micronauts, etc. — and a box full of the stuff I had pinned / nailed to the walls of my room when I was in high school, such as Fishbone ticket stubs, a referral from Coach T (R.I.P.), and extra pictures of hot chicks I had crushes on from Yearbook class
18. I have always owned a “strange” pet as well as my beloved cats ever since Linda Nickel bought me my first Emperor scorpion; currently I have Tuonetar Mac Mordenkainen, who is the third Mexican Red-Knee tarantula in a long line of wonderful arachnids I have loved
19. I don’t code Web 2.0 anywhere near as well as I did Web 1.0
20. I love jackets; first and foremost is my ska-patched black jacket, which used to be a bomber, but out of all the clothing you can wear, nothing beats the right jacket for the right occasion or situation
21. I have been a true (4 elements, y’all!) fan of hip hop ever since seeing the Sugar Hill Gang perform “Rapper’s Delight” live on Solid Gold 1979; this seminal moment changed my life forever
22. There is nothing better in life than having a good conversation filled with enthusiasm, a meeting of the minds, and laughter
23. Being rejected in junior high school by the popular white folks as a glasses-wearing, uncool, too-smart nerd has served me well; I have good friends and strong cultural ties to non-white communities who have accepted me for who I am from then until the present day; this is one of my greatest sources of pride and what makes me wince when I have to choose “caucasian” on “optional” survey information
24. I love language, especially since the world is made of it (see the collected works of Terence McKenna), and I have a fierce propensity towards sesquipedalianism just because long, multisyllabic words sound cool and are sometimes the key to doing what Salt & Pepa, Madonna, and Dr Dre during his NWA tenure said best: expressing one’s self
25. There is nothing I value more in life than my friends; they are the Desiderata of my happiness, the real value in social networking, and many times, the only reason that I keep on keeping on, because I can’t do it all for myself

There we are: 25 random things about me. Feedback — as always — is very welcome. Have at!

No Shirt, No Shoes…No Dice!

Pouring rain and trapped by flooding into the one-room studio I am living in (or out of, if you prefer), I decided to quit playing video games and spin some tunes surrounded by three wet cats who decided to use my bed as a roost. I loaded up every DJ exclusive mix I could find because I was too lazy to go through my folders while the rain was beating on the roof. I also was influenced by going to my man T-Boz’s birthday bash last Friday where our homegirl Aida brought a big-ass LL Cool J style boombox and her CD collection and proceeded to rock the hizouse with some real old school jams. Here are the results.

Opening sample is from Fast Times at Ridgemont High:

Brad Hamilton: Hey! You guys had shirts on when you came in here!

Jeff Spicoli: Well, something happened to ‘em, man. Hahaha!

Brad Hamilton: C’mon Spicoli, just put the shirts back on. You see that sign?

Jeff Spicoli: No shirt, no shoes…

Jeff and Stoner Buds: No dice! Ohhhh.

Brad Hamilton: Right. Learn it. Know it. Live it.

Jeff Spicoli: Whoa!

right-click to download

TRACKLISTING:

1. Stevie Wonder – Superstition (Ultimix)
2. Boogie Boys – A Fly Girl (Original Mix)
3. George Michael – I Want Your Sex (Ultimix)
4. Madonna – Justify My Love (Ultimix)
5. Ace of Base – The Sign (Ultimix)
6. Arrested Development – Tennessee (Funkymix)
7. Ice Cube – You Can Do It (Wicked Mix)
8. Cyndi Lauper – All Through the Night (Ultimix)
9. Zhane – Hey Mr DJ (Wicked Mix)
10. Bee Gees – Stayin’ Alive (Teddybears Remix)
11. Wreckx N Effect – Rump Shaker (Ultimix)
12. Eric B and Rakim – I Know You Got Soul (Funkymix)
13. John Mellencamp – Jack and Diane (Full Tilt Remix)
14. Uncle Kracker – Follow Me (Ultimix)
15. Digital Underground – Humpty Dance (Ultimix)
16. MC Lyte – Cold Rock a Party (Ultimix)
17. House of Pain – Jump Around (Ultimix)
18. Marcia Griffiths – Electric Slide (Ultimix)
19. Wild Cherry – Play That Funky Music (Ultimix)
20. Kool and the Gang – Jungle Boogie (Ultimix)
21. George Clinton – Atomic Dog (Ultimix)
22. The Commodores – Brick House (Ultimix)
23. Nu Shooz – Point Of No Return (Ultimix)
24. Bobby Brown – Humpin Around (Funkymix)
25. Puff Daddy featuring Mase and Notorious BIG – Mo Money Mo Problem (Supreme Ultimix)
26. INXS – Need You Tonight (Ultimix)
27. Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock featuring Omar Chandler – Joy and Pain (Funkymix)
28. Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock – It Takes Two (Ultimix)
29. Herbie Hancock – Rock It (Ultimix)
30. Janet Jackson featuring Heavy D – Alright (Ultimix)
31. C+C Music Factory featuring Freedom Williams and Martha Wash – Gonna Make You Sweat (Wicked Mix)
32. Marrs – Pump Up The Volume (Ultimix)
33. Dave Matthews Band – Ants Marching (Full Tilt Remix)
34. Sugar Hill Gang – Rapper’s Delight (Funkymix)
35. Vanilla Ice – Ice Ice Baby (Scratch Ultimix)
36. Stereo MCs – Elevate Your Mind (Wicked Mix)
37. Newcleus – Jam On It (Ultimix)
38. Young MC – Bust a Move (Ultimix)
39. Rockmaster Scott – The Roof is on Fire (Ultimix)
40. Chic – Le Freak (Wicked Mix)
41. Vanity 6 – Nasty Girls (Wicked Mix)
42. Holiday (Ultimix DJ Jimbo Remix)

20-20

I.
There was a woman
Who I loved with all my heart.
It’s the only way
I know how
to love.
The problem I have
With falling in love
Is that I just keep falling
And falling on through.
It’s a perpetual autumn;
Storming leaves of memories,
Possibilities,
Skeletal trees.
And turning my collar up
Against the cold of this world.
Holding my hands out
To the warmth of the fire
That we had kindled
To keep the darkness at bay.
Every time these things end
I look up from the glow
Of the smolder, the embers,
For the ignition of a smile,
That familiar, beloved synching
Eyes to eyes:
It’s just understood
We’ll revel in the work
To pile on more fuel
From our common woodpile.
But nobody is there
Across the coals from me;
I’ve fallen through
The bottleneck of the hourglass
Along with all these ashes.

II.
Songs get tied
Like complicated knots
Around my feelings;
They remind me of how
I used to think about forever.
Some are bright blossoms
Stolen from yards
On the way to your window
In the middle of the night
To kneel and present you
With a moonlit bouquet,
My Juliet.
Another is the crosshatching
Of spray painted poetry
Hanging in midair
Amongst the tree branches
Between the shadows
Of the stars that were ours;
Witchcraft and wizardry
For an unrelenting passion.
Tapestries of smoke
And of tie-dyed freedom;
Soft paws of haloed kittens,
The chocolate and the champagne
Of the once in a lifetime.
Threads on a magick loom
Synchronicity unparalleled,
Spiderwebs like a hammock,
An embrace as if I was coming home;
Touch burning like the fire of a faerie,
Or the resurrection of the phoenix,
Tracing sigils in the sky,
Re-ignition of belief
Like a firestarter
Or finding a soulmate.
I am haunted
By the breadth of my music
And the depth of my commitment.
The failure
of my eyesight.

III.
The carnage is absolute;
A battlefield strewn with my corpses,
Beer cans and shrieks and cigarette butts,
The best of intentions and
The stench of taking things for granted.
These raw wounds
I have sustained over my lifetime
Of loving how I should have been loved
Never seem to heal;
They just ooze and pulse
Making heartbeats painful;
A crazy accumulation of luggage
Like owning an airport carousel
Of baggage you can’t strip off.
It just grows with you,
Older and less attractive,
Smelling faintly of urine and gangrene
When you can’t bear
To perform the required surgery.
It hurts too much;
I’ll excise memories I want to keep
Along with the decaying flesh.
Retrospective or post-mortem;
It’s still the death of a relationship
That I thought would live forever
As if I had infinite chances,
Infinite quarters.

IV.
I was pinned to a mortarboard
Like a butterfly from a caterpillar,
When I had to eulogize my friend;
My brother, my partner-in-crime,
Someone who understood
By the merit of not being female
The depth of love and an enduring relationship.
I don’t ever want to do that again.
It is the same with love;
I know I can, and it will be better,
But the pain of losing someone to provoke that work
Is too much to accept;
Besides, who the fuck will do that for me?
The answer is as clear as hindsight:
20-20.
I listened to my voice echo hollow through a church
That he wouldn’t have appreciated
To the people who were left behind,
And became even more haunted.
I did my best to represent,
Tell tales, romanticize, believe
And I went home with ashes in my mouth
To cry, cry out, want to evaporate,
Disappear, erase myself from existing
Because I had lost something precious:
A true friend.
It’s a lot like losing your love
Because you have lost a friend.

V.
The light switch is off.
This is the eye of the storm for me.
Now I deal with the still shatter of leaves,
The cold of being alone,
And shoving my hands into the campfire.
There is no warmth.
This destroys the fabric of memories
That took deep commitment
And sweat equity;
Deeper resources than I had without you.
And I see them all retreat,
As if they never existed;
Vanish into the thin, thin air
That I breathe.
Flatlined.

VI.
To move along,
Because there is nothing to see here;
It’s a pretty penance,
My cross to bear;
One that gets weightier
The more years I carry forward,
This boulder I am pushing uphill.
It’s that lost luggage from the carousel;
It’s those old wounds from the battlefield;
It’s those lyrics of happier times
When I would write, compose, sing
Of how I loved being in love
And how I expected forever
But you only had right now to give.

VII.
Perspective is a function of wisdom,
Which is a byproduct of experience,
That is what happens when you live and die
Through these things.
Perhaps they build character;
Actually, they create defense mechanisms
To try to prevent this from happening again
And again.
Expectations collapse
And you lay bricks and mortar in the fortress
That you think will keep you safe
But not sound;
You all are quite persuasive.
Certainly isolated
In the aftermath
Of bequeathing your everything –
Heart, mind, soul –
To your everything
Around that campfire
And you look up and discover
That she is long gone.